Kaleidoscope
2025: Kaleidoscope
“The idea behind a kaleidoscope is that it is a structure filled with broken bits and pieces, and somehow, if you can look through them, you will see something beautiful. And I feel like we are all that way a little bit”
-Sara Bareilles
Red January - Exercising and Losing Weight!
I decided to do my resolutions differently this year by focusing on one word: “kaleidoscope.” The year 2024 brought on many changes that have reshaped who I am in more ways than one. Every time you turn the chamber, a new combination is created. There are infinite possibilities and beauty that can be seen. Over the past few months, I’ve dropped a lot of weight, which sounds nice in theory, but it wasn’t on my terms. So, I’m taking this chance to turn the chamber and focus on my first goal for the year: being more consistent with working out. Last year, I had to stop seeing my trainer because I fractured my foot, and in September, I felt defeated climbing Mt. Rainier. I want to make sure I’m healthy enough to run the distance I want.
Let this shard of myself be the color red.
All Races Completed
- Angkor Wat (20 Miles – 15 days)
- Inca Trail (26.22 Miles – 16 days)
- Jesus Trail (39 Miles – 28 days)
- While this race is done, my walk with Christ continues.
Current Virtual Races
- The Socerer Stone (70 Miles)
- Conqueror 2025 (1000 Miles)
- 827.95 Miles Remain (as of 4/10/25)
Upcoming In Person Races
Rose Bowl Virtual 5K Practice
Conquer the Pier
Santa Monica Classic 5K
A Charlie Brown 5K
Yellow February - Reading for Fun and Faith
Kaleidoscope: The Other Side of Chaos
My mental health has been a struggle this year, so a friend recommended I read The Other Side of Chaos by Margaret Silf. It reminded me of the gaps and bridges in life and how sometimes I just have to take a leap of faith into this next chapter. I think I was scared of the change and forgot to embrace the chaos and go with the flow of life, remembering that these transitions are part of those liminal spaces between two different moments in time. One of the chapters had me crying because it ironically started off talking about the kaleidoscope. On some nights, we might need to be shaken up. Sometimes, our experiences are shattered into pieces, and we can’t make sense of the new pattern; it takes us somewhere new, a recreation. It’s a huge risk we take but sometimes it takes burying a seed to let it grow! My second goal for this year is to read more books for fun and pleasure and to learn more. I’ve spent the past three years reading too many academic articles and books that I forget how to slow down to truly absorb what the book is trying to share with me. I guess it’s that human connection. Additionally, I decided to try doing a Bible study for the first time. I decided to do it in English, which will be interesting since I grew up reading the Bible in Spanish.
Let the shard of myself be the color yellow.
Books Read
- Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Devon Price
- The Other Side of Chaos: Breaking Through When Life Is Breaking Down by Margaret Silf
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Currently Reading
- The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho
- I also decided to reread 1984 by George Orwell, since one of my friends has never read it.
Green March - Rebuilding My Faith Life
Kaleidoscope: Clarity Through Him
Sometimes, we are unsure of where we want to go in life. In 2020 I said that I had 20/20 vision for what I wanted to do with my life after spending time reflecting. I didn’t realize that I saw life through rose-colored glasses. In late 2024-2025, I came to see how God revealed the symmetry and purpose of the broken shards in my life. I can see his love and power through the pain and afflictions suffered. This year, for my third intention, I want to spend more time in prayer and putting my heart into the things I do. On the third day, Jesus rose, and I started my third virtual race I have decided to dedicate it to him who helps me see. I will be walking a virtual rendition of the path that Jesus walked through.
Let this shard of myself be the color green.
Faith Life
- Solo Chronological Bible Study
- Start Attending Church Again
- Serving in Knights of Columbus
Purple April - Finding my Roots
Kaleidoscope: Hear my Echo
Something about this year feels like an invitation. Not loud. Not urgent. Just a soft nudge to come home to myself. This year, I choose to return to myself.
Not the polished version, and not the one who performs on stage—but the one who remembers how to take a deep breath, laugh without holding back, and dream without permission.
I’ve been moving fast, doing what needs to be done, but I’ve missed my presence being near.
This year, I want to slow down.
Reconnect with parts of me that I’ve ignored.
I peel back the layers,
not to discard what I’ve been,
but to touch what I forgot-
the softness, the strength, my spark.
The version of me that paints just because.
The one who dances in the kitchen,
raises his hand in every class, writes late at night,
sits in silence without rushing away.
Rediscovery isn’t about reinventing who I am-
It’s about remembering. I’m still here,
under the layers of routine.
A noise calling out.
This year is for listening,
so I choose to listen.
It’s for sitting still long enough to hear my voice,
and trusting that it still knows the way.
Honestly, the few years that I was at Antioch University I never quite felt like myself. I felt like I was constantly hiding behind a mask among a cohort that did not feel safe to be around. There are times when I regret not choosing to return to my alma mater. Anyhow, can’t change that now, but I can focus on living in the moment. I’ve decided to create a new Instagram that serves as my daily journal. An unfiltered version of myself that showcases my life, and not the polished and curated posts I do on my photography account.
Make sure to check it out!
Instagram: SweepIt_UnderTheMatt
Let the shard of myself be the color purple.
Blue May - Remembering to Breathe
When you try to slow down, remember to take a breath. As we slow down, we need the oxygen to refuel us, and we also need to expel all the carbon dioxide from running. In this time, we rest and reset.
In Jeremiah 29:11, the Lord declares, “For I know the plans I have for you, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. While living in Los Angeles, I have been reminded by so many people that things happen for a reason.
God might ruin my plans so that my plan wouldn’t ruin me. Although I might be praying for something to work out, or a person to stay, or anything I want… the situation goes south. God removes it, and it hurts a lot in the moment, but after months, a year, or years it all starts to make sense.
I am being shaped and reshaped like a pot of clay. In this space where I can breathe and slow down, I see the areas of my life that I need to grow in. Rather than rush into a relationship again, I recognize that I want to become a better version of myself and focus on having fun on my own. I am Learning to satisfy myself and be happy. My future spouse is someone who will complement me because they are not my other half, but my other whole. I may have already met them, and it’s also possible that we may be living in different cities, and it’s only a matter of time before we meet.
In the same way, I’m leaning into prayer with the decisions I make from now on.
Let this shard of myself be the color blue.
